Season 1: Bloopers
Headphones advised: these bloopers contain swearing!
The people involved in making The Vesta Clinic are all experienced professionals… well, you’ll hear.
_____________________________________________
Please consider supporting us on Patreon! Patrons get all bonus content prior to public release, as well as access to the previous bonus stories and behind the scenes previews. Join us here!
_____________________________________________
Transcript
KAMEN
Oh wait, sorry.
AMC
[Laughs]
KAMEN
No, I’m [mumbled] I thought we were going from the Start-Start.
AMC
[Overlapping] Oh, no, no, no. That’s all been recorded. We’re literally going from - um, like -
KAMEN:
Oh okay, got it. [Laughs] That’s one for the bloopers.
[Pause]
‘Hi, sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting’?
AMC:
Yes, exactly that.
KAMEN:
Okay. Perfect.
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme Tune]
AMC:
Ikogrisk explained to me that, since their retirement, they’d reconnected with a cluster of old flames from their training days and they had settled into family life with an ease that [garbled mistake].
Ikogrisk explained to me that, since their retirement, they’d reconnected with a cluster of old frames - old - [laughs]. Fuck me. Uh. Hm
[SEC: ping]
Anyway, Flea is aged 4.2 Vesta Years, the equivalent - [SOUND: chair squeaks and rustling]
[Accented] This goddamn chair!
[SEC: ping]
There was a signed file on the system with today’s date which permitted me to see Fl-eh. [Laughs] Fuck.
[SEC: ping]
I talked - I talked F- [more amused] I talked Flea through the process.
[SEC: ping]
Mr Houndsworth had previously been, in his words, tolerating an all-incrusive [garbled mistake]. An ‘all incrusive.’ Um.
[SEC: ping]
Sorry, um, my . . . iPad died.
RUBY
That’s okay.
AMC
We’ll keep rolling.
RUBY
Okay.
AMC
I just need to find it.
RUBY
Okay.
AMC
[Laughs] Ah, what a terrible time. Uh. Oh! And now I’ve clicked on the wrong - oh, we’re not doing that episode - [Distressed singing] Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.
RUBY
No, it’s fine.
AMC
Erm, Could we take it from: “At the end of the day”?
RUBY
Yes, um.
[SEC: ping]
AMC
My quilt’s falling down, help!
[SEC: ping]
KAMEN
Me too. [Clears throat] Hi, hi, hi, guess who I just got off a c - [Falters, laughs] Ugh, why can’t I do this fucking - ? Sorry.
AMC
[Laughs]
[SEC: ping]
AMC
Date 591 592
Date - Jesus Christ.
[SEC: ping]
I mean, it doesn’t matter either way. You wouldn’t believe - Honestly, some of them I’ve been like, ‘oh I don’t like that word’ but instead of just, like, doing the line again, you get, in the tracks there’s like 15 seconds of thinking silence and it’s so weird to listen to. I’m like, oh yeah, I was just sitting there . . . thinking. [Laughs] Yeah. Sorry.
[SEC: ping]
And release the [garbled mistake]
[SEC: ping]
And Sida seemed relieved when I reassured them that we’d be [garbled mistake] [SOUND: chair creak]. Why?
[SEC: ping]
RUBY
You said that the Arbolite made you miss home and, well, I thought it might make a better direction [Realises her error] Dec - oh, uh?
[SEC: ping]
AMC
Until it seemed like the microscopic flow of silver was a continuation of the plati- Until it seemed like the microscopic flow of silver was a continuation of the [mispronunciation of platinum x2].
[SEC: ping]
I do agree with her, from outward appearances alone, it is hard to believe that the satellite was once the pinnacle of medical [garbled, musical mistake]
[SEC: ping]
KAMEN:
I just assumed [mispronunciation of the word ‘indigo’] [disappointed sigh] BAH! I just assumed Indigo Deck was okay?
[SEC: ping]
AMC
The calibuman explained that he still visited family on [slight pause]. The calibuman still [pause]. The calibuman explained that he still visited family on [slight pause] Caliban, at least [Pause, weird throat noise] every other orbit. [Pause]
The cali - [amused pause] Jesus.
The cal - The calib -
[SEC: ping]
It usually sits pretty over the trachea in the neck, but in ca - in cal - in calibuman [SEC: pings to indicated repeated errors being made].
[SEC: ping]
Do you need to clear your throat? [Laughs] Um, let’s go [Laugh] Let’s go from ‘confused was at the bottom of the list of things I was feeling’, okay? [Laughing, more laughing as RUBY clears her throat unheard] Delicious! I hope you were still recording.
[SEC: ping]
KAMEN
She’s been going through it Xael! Don’t bring up the - No, sorry, hold on.
[SEC: ping]
FAYE
Yeah, well if you’re choosing not to use your thesaurus of the thousands of languages [mistake in the word programmed] -
Yeah, well if you’re choosing not to use your thesaurus of the thousands of languages [mistake in the word programmed] in - Nope. [SEC: ping]
Yeah, well if you’re choosing not to use your thesaurus of the thousands of languages [mistake in the word programmed] into you then yes, Sec.
[SEC: ping]
Pressing the probe into the area beneath the rooftop of the [ribcage pronounced ‘rivcage’]. Pressing the probe into the area beneath the rooftop of the riv-
Pressing the probe into the area beneath the rooftop of the riv- [Laughs] Oh my GOD.
[SEC: ping]
RUBY
Preliminary histo - [pause] - histol - histological. [She thinks] Okay . . .
[SEC: ping]
AMC
Okay. [As FAYE] Okay, I just need to finish this letter and I’ll be right there. [Out of character] Sorry, I’m burping. Um [Laughs], let me try again!
KAMEN
[Laughs]
[SEC: ping]
AMC
[Laugh] All this time I’ve been fighting for a free minute to call ‘home’ [Stomach gargle, laugh]
[SEC: ping]
My poor little Earthling brain got all confused, I’ve never seen a thyreophoran before. [Laugh] [Out of character, to RUBY] I hated that. [Laugh] I think that’s - No, somehow I think that’s even worse! My poor little Earthling brain got all confused, I’ve never seen a [Her voice breaks with laughter] thyreophoran before. [Laughs]
[SEC: ping]
KAMEN
What?! No! Xaelest’s a ray of sunlight - [Realises his mistake] [Out of character] Shit, sorry.
AMC
No, that’s you.
KAMEN
[Laughs] [As RAI] Whaaat? [Out of character, amused] No. What was that?
AMC
[Laughs] Wha-?
[They start quoting this vine https://youtu.be/HceKo4hsbeI]
What does it say Anaya?
KAMEN
Wha-? Wha-? Anaya, no! [Laughs] Fuck’s sake. [He composes himself, as RAI] What?
AMC
[Tries not to laugh and fails] Sorry! Keep going!
KAMEN
[Laughs]
[SEC: ping]
AMC
[Trying out different voices] You can’t tell anyone I was here - You - You can’t tell - You - You-u - You can’t tell anyone I was here.
[SEC: ping]
I’m pretty sure there are laws against letting people rock back up to Earth with a category C parasite infest - infesting - infecting. [Pause] Infecting their guts.
[SEC: ping]
Train.
Train.
[More annoyed] Train.
One last time, sans train.
[Singing] There’s a plane going overhead and I wish it were more quiet.
And it’s still going over ahead, still wish it were more quiet.
I can still hear the plane in the sky, it's taking so long to fly on by.
There’s a plane going overhead
[Pause]
And I wish it would be more … Quiet.
Okay.
Qiif must have smelled my surprise because qe opened qir mouth to say something and . . . a train went past.
[SEC: ping]
RUBY
I have researched the flowers and have found a likely match in the rosa destigli-
I have researched the flowers and have found a likely match in the rosa destigli- Oh my god. Rosa de-stig-lin-osa. De-stig-li-no-sa.
[SEC: ping]
KAMEN
Same . . . okily dokily. [Clears throat, as RAI] Hi! Sorry- [Laughs] [Out of character] Actually, no I’m not ready at all, shit. [Laughs]
[SEC: ping]
AMC
Consider the clinical need for this investigation before f- [She mocks her mistake] ‘Before ferforming it’
[SEC: ping]
RUBY
I have researched the flowers and have found a likely match in the rosa destigli- [Laugh]
The preservation of - oh, God.
[SEC: ping]
AMC
Another fucking plane?!
[SEC: ping]
CHRIS
As many - ohmygosh, what is that? Mutagens? Have I missed that somewhere? Mutagens? Mutagens? Mutagens?
[SEC: ping]
AMC
Yeeaaah!
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme Tune]
