Bonus Episode: Hazing
A new arrival at The Vesta Clinic allows Sec to cause some mischief.
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Hazing
XAELEST ADRA sits in her own clinic room with her computer. She is wrapping up the end of a letter.
XAELEST
As discussed, I fully expect the warts - if LEFT ALONE - to resolve without pharmacological intervention. Please seek further medical attention if they cause increasing concern or remain after a half-orbit.
Attach signature.
Computer. Time.
COMPUTER
01:43 hours.
XAELEST
[Unimpressed sigh] Let me guess, Dr Underwood is still dictating.
Computer. Show Waiting Room Camera 2.
COMPUTER
Waiting Room Camera 2.
XAELEST
Wh- What is she doing?
Computer, turn on audio for Waiting Room 2.
[SOUND: it is turned on]
[Faye’s voice, tinny through the speaker can be heard]
FAYE
I just wanted to apologise for failing to introduce myself until now, I - I honestly have never met a sentinent security - sentinent - sorry - sentient security sentinel - huh - tongue twister! Sorry! [She continues in the background]
All I wanted to say is that I would have said hello sooner but Sec only told me about you today - which is unfortunate - he - well, granted he had a period of not talking to anyone, but he gets to chat to me most of the day and I hate to think of you out here with no-one to talk to. I can imagine you have lots of stories to tell of all the things you’ve seen in this Waiting Room over the orbits!
[Pause]
Ha. I guess you’re a bit more of a quiet one than my colleague in the Clinic Room. Maybe I’d get my dictations done quicker if you were helping me instead of Sec. . . Oh! I didn’t even ask - do you have a preferred name or pronouns or . . . anything?
[She continues in the background]
That’s cool. I’ll um, Sec called you Security Sentinel so . . . I’ll just . . . do the same for now. It’s honestly a little overwhelming arriving somewhere new when everyone else knows each other and what buttons to press and codes to use to get things done. But I think I’m getting better and I’m learning more about the place every day. Like how I learned about you!
XAELEST
[Exasperated] Computer. Call Prof Clinic Room and open dialogue with Vesta Clinic Secretary Bot AX736 Model 3.0.
[SOUND: Comms call, accepted]
COMPUTER
Dialogue open.
[SEC: typing, questioning ping]
XAEL
Yes! I can see what’s happening in the Waiting Room. What have you told her? [The: ‘you little shit’ is implied]
[SEC: typing]
[The: ‘you little shit’ is less implied] I’m so glad you’re having fun.
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing]
Computer. Turn on microphone in Waiting Room Camera Two.
[SEC: negative ping]
COMPUTER
Microphone on.
XAELEST
Dr Underwood.
FAYE
[Startled noise] Dr Adra? Hello?
XAELEST
[Disdainful] Dr Underwood, what are you doing?
FAYE
Um, I - I was just - My letter is done! I just - [Clears throat] I - Just introducing myself to Security Sentinel.
XAELEST
Why?
[SEC: negative ping]
FAYE
Excuse me?
XAELEST
Why are you doing that?
FAYE
Because - I didn’t realise she - uh - Security Sentinel was sentient?
XAELEST
Who told you the security system was sentient?
FAYE
Sec did. He - Excuse me!
[SOUND: rapid footsteps, clinic door in the distance]
XAELEST
Computer. Exit Waiting Room Camera 2 video and audio.
[SOUND: program closed]
[SOUND: through the other line we hear the clinic door opening and closing, footsteps]
FAYE
[Clearer through this connection]
YOU!
[SEC: typing]
Oh, yeah. You’re hilarious. Did you know Dr Adra was listening? Stars, Sec! [Long, drawn out ‘uuuugh’]
[SEC: questioning ping, typing over her]
You must have known you were gonna make me look like an absolute -
XAELEST
Dr Underwood.
[Stunned silence]
Dr Underwood?
FAYE
[Mortified. You can practically hear her cheeks burning] Mhm?
XAELEST
I can’t see your letter on the list. Did you sign it?
FAYE
Um, possibly not. Sorry - at the last place I worked they got signed automatically so I keep forgetting. . . Sorry. I’ll get it sorted.
XAELEST
Please do. I’ll let you know if there are any issues with it. There’s a couple of anthophiloid coming in but they won’t arrive for over an hour. Why don’t you . . . take a break?
FAYE
I - Yeah? I - If you don’t need help with anything?
XAELEST
Call me if you need me.
[SOUND: Comms call ended]
Sec?
[SEC: questioning ping]
Stop hazing the nice Earthling.
[SEC: questioning ping, questioning ping, typing on screen]
And remind her to sign her letters, please.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Computer. End dialogue with Vesta Clinic Secretary Bot AX736 Model 3.0.
COMPUTER
Dialogue closed.
XAELEST
[Brief, tired laugh]
Computer. Open ‘Things to tell Dakarai’. Add ‘Security Sentinel’.
[To herself] He is going to love this one.
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme Tune]
CREDITS
This Bonus Episode was called ‘Hazing’.
It was created by AMC and starred Ruby Campbell as Xaelest Adra, AMC as Faye Underwood and the voice of the computer, and Sec as himself. ‘Heart emoji’.
Music by AMC and Ruby Campbell.
Thank you very much for listening, don’t forget, you can find us in most places at @vestaclinicpod. If you want to support the show in our season break, why not share The Vesta Clinic with a friend - bonus points if they are also a ‘Nice Earthling’.
Speak soon, listener. Bye!
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Please consider supporting us on Patreon! Patrons get all bonus content prior to public release, as well as access to the previous bonus stories and behind the scenes previews. Join us here!
To avoid spoilers, content warnings are available at the bottom of this page!
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