Bonus Episode: Bucket List
The Professor has something to check off their bucket list.
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Transcript:
[MUSIC: chiming arpeggios and synth chords]
AMC:
Are you an Arbolite struggling to blossom? An anthophiloid with a terrible headache? Or a qiquk with an issue . . . up in your . . . y’know. We all have that thing that we should really see a doctor about and the good news is that you CAN! The Vesta Clinic are taking patient submissions for S2 of the show and we can’t wait to hear your ideas! Go to our website www.thevestaclinic.com and click ‘submissions’ to find out more.
Hope you enjoy this bonus episode, it’s one of my favourites.
Bonus Episode: Bucket List
XAELEST, DAKARAI and AERGLO are in the empty waiting room of The Vesta Clinic.
XAELEST:
For the record -
AERGLO
Yes.
DAKARAI
We know.
XAELEST
[Frustrated at being cut off] For the record! This is -
[SOUND: a wrapper is unwrapped and a small item placed down]
DAKARAI
Really exciting!
AERGLO
A long time ‘bucket list’ item of mine.
DAKARAI
The stuff of legend!
XAELEST
Cataclysmically stupid.
[SOUND: a wrapper is unwrapped and a small item placed down]
And I hate that you’ve dragged me into it.
AERGLO
There is no-one I trust more to both adjudicate and ventilate. Your objection is noted.
DAKARAI
Let’s do it!
XAELEST
Wait. Do either of you have a history of drug allergy or malignant hyperthermia?
AERGLO & DAKARAI
No.
XAELEST
Do you have a history of respiratory or cardiovascular disease?
AERGLO & DAKARAI
No.
XAELEST
Have you taken any medication today?
AERGLO
Just the usual.
DAKARAI
Same.
XAELEST
[Sigh] Get on the scales, Rai. Prof, can your chair give me a reading?
AERGLO
Absolutely.
[SOUND: footsteps and beeping as Rai weights himself, tapping and a whoosh as the Prof’s chair weighs them]
XAELEST
[Unimpressed noise] Prof - [Quietly] You said you hadn’t lost much weight.
DAKARAI
[Disappointed] At the end of all things, I am simply the average 70kg man.
XAELEST
Prof -
AERGLO
That’s a good thing, Rai. You want the statistical assumptions to apply to you.
1 milligram per kilogram should be lovely, Dr Adra.
XAELEST
[Pause, she is deciding whether or not to pick a fight]
Fine. I have a circuit to breathe for you. I have airway adjuncts. If you need intubating properly, I’ll try my best but you’re probably -
DAKARAI
Sentient goo?
AERGLO
Toast?
XAELEST
Yes.
AERGLO
Dr Adra, if you really don’t feel comfortable, we don’t have to.
XAELEST
[Too quickly] No!
DAKARAI
Prof! Look at her! These are token objections.
XAELEST
[Clears throat] Sure. Who’s first?
DAKARAI
No, no, no, Xaelest. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it properly.
AERGLO
Why don’t I introduce the terms of the race?
Esteemed colleagues, it is my pleasure to invite you to The Vesta Clinic’s first ever Sux Race.
DAKARAI
Suxamethonium pandemonium.
XAELEST
Shush, Rai.
AERGLO
[Ignoring them] The terms of the race, should you choose to accept them, are as follows: each racer will start behind the line as marked by the bandage. The players will take turns to be injected with suxamethonium which, as we all know is a -
XAELEST
Depolarising muscle relaxant.
AERGLO
Very good.
DAKARAI
Nerd.
AERGLO
The injected participant will proceed to run as fast and as far as they can across the Waiting Room before the muscle paralysis takes effect. At which point, we expect that they will collapse and our adjudicator will provide what I hope will be brief ventilatory support until the drug wears off.
DAKARAI
[In the voice of someone reading the terms and conditions] Please note that all participants race at their own discretion. The Vesta Clinic is not liable for any injury or life-threatening organ damage which may occur as a result of the drug administration. Please abstain from racing if you have myasthenia gravis because that would make you a cheat.
Nurse Calyxy and Sec are not to be informed of this event as all involved are at greater risk of injury or life-threatening organ damage if they were to find out.
AERGLO
Exactly. If you need them, Xaelest, the consent forms are in my office.
XAELEST
[Drily] Wonderful.
[SOUND: picks up glass vial]
Check this.
[SOUND: Prof chair whir]
AERGLO
Suxamethonium, 50 milligrams per millilitre, Dated 2/2732
DAKARAI
Who’s going first?
XAELEST
You.
AERGLO
No, I’ll go first. It’s my bucket list and if there’s a risk of you getting spooked and withdrawing your assistance, Xaelest, I’d rather have had my turn.
XAELEST
On your head be it.
DAKARAI
Literally. The risk of hypoxic brain injury is -
AERGLO
Not now, Dr Solari!
[SOUND: they get up from their chair and take a few footsteps to the start line]
Right, my toe’s on the line. Deltoid bared. Breathing circuit ready?
XAELEST
Ready.
AERGLO
Syringe ready?
[SOUND: syringe loading]
XAELEST
Ready. Sharp scratch.
AERGLO
[Brief, pained noise]
XAELEST
3, 2, 1 - go!
[SOUND: running, one pair of footsteps followed by Xaelest putting down the syringe and picking up something bulky and running after them with it, they collapse, a gentle whoosh and plastic sound as the breathing circuit is set up]
DAKARAI
Have you got them?
XAELEST
Yep.
DAKARAI
That was a solid effort, Prof.
XAELEST
You’re okay. I’m breathing for you.
AERGLO
[Weak cough, gasp, shallow breathing]
[Sounding winded] Brilliant! Where did I get to?
XAELEST
Hold on a minute!
[SOUND: rustling of wrappers]
AERGLO
[Still out of breath] See, I’m fine!
DAKARAI
You’ve got some speed on you, I’m nervous now.
XAELEST
Do you want to sit in your chair for a while?
AERGLO
Yes . . . yes. That would possibly be best.
[Slightly hysterical giggle] I can’t believe we did that.
Mark where my arm was?
[SOUND: footsteps as RAI retrieves the chair, mechanical whir, footsteps, chair sound, squeak as a line is drawn, footsteps and whirring as they return to the starting line]
DAKARAI
My go!
AERGLO
Toe - !
XAELEST
[At the same time] Toes behind the line, you cheat.
DAKARAI
Unintentional! My toes are excited!
XAELEST
Back, back, back. There.
[SOUND: syringe loading]
DAKARAI
[Steeling himself] Okay.
XAELEST
Ready?
[SOUND: flicking the syringe]
DAKARAI
Born ready.
XAELEST
Sharp scratch! 3, 2, 1 . . . go!
[SOUND: running, one pair of footsteps]
AERGLO
There he goes!
XAELEST
There we go!
[SOUND: XAELEST runs after him, the Prof’s chair whirs as it moves]
AERGLO
Aaaand down he goes.
[SOUND: thud]
XAELEST
Rai, I’m going to breathe for you just like I did for the Prof.
[SOUND: footsteps stop, equipment gathered, breathing circuit]
AERGLO
I do believe you’ve beaten me by a fair margin, Dakarai. I suppose that was to be expected. I should think myself lucky that you didn’t patronise me.
Thankfully, Xaelest is the only person you can boast to.
[SOUND: sats probe unhappy beeping]
[Displeased] Hm.
XAELEST
Agreed. Please could you pass me the size 7?
[SOUND: mechanical whir, items being collected]
AERGLO
He’s still easy to bag?
XAELEST
Yes. I don’t think I’ve popped anything . . .
And the video scope, please.
AERGLO
Here -
XAELEST
Saturn’s rings, Rai. Don’t make me intubate you.
[SOUND: ventilator placed on the floor]]
AERGLO
Watch his teeth!
XAELEST
[Tersely] Yep.
DAKARAI
[A flurry of movement, coughing, hoarsely] I’m okay! I’m -
No, thank you.
[SOUND: probe stops beeping]
AERGLO
[Audibly relieved] There we go!
XAELEST
Stars! Don’t - [Effort in her voice as she hits him with the tube] scare me like that!
[SOUND: he is hit with the tube]
DAKARAI
Ow!
[Pause] Did I win?
XAELEST
Shut up and put this mask on.
[SOUND: rustling as mask opened and put on his face]
DAKARAI
[Muffled through the mask] Sorry, Prof, I don’t think Xaelest is going to permit a rematch.
AERGLO
Oh, I know when I’ve been bested.
XAELEST
I daren’t even ask what else is on the bucket list.
AERGLO
[Laughs] You know, I’ve never done a Space walk . . .
CREDITS
This Bonus Episode was called ‘Bucket List’.
It was created by AMC and starred Kamen Cooley Greene as Dakarai Solari, Ruby Campbell as Xaelest Adra and Christopher Stoops as the Professor.
Music by AMC and Ruby Campbell.
Thank you very much for listening, don’t forget, you can find us in most places at @vestaclinicpod. If you want to support the show in our season break, and you have the financial means to do so, please consider joining our patreon. Patrons get a bonus story with each episode, early access to fun things like this very bonus ep and extra behind the scenes glimpses. We’re very, very grateful to our current patrons for their support, you’re all the absolute best.
Sound Effect Attributions:
Footsteps, fabric rustles and ambience from Krotos Studios
Modern_U1_2 from Krotos Sounds
Sci-fi click 3, Vape sound 5 from FilmCow
Sci-Fi Engine.wav by Jandre160108 at freesound.org
Candy, boiled sweet unwrap. Version 1, AA Battery put down on table then fall over, Glass bathroom scales (modern) slide on hard tiled floor 1, 2-tone basic high pitched beep, Finger tap, select, press on sat nav touch screen 5, Air blow into plastic bag and inflate 2, Person blowing into, inflating rubber ring or lilo, single blow 2, Hospital electronic monitor machine beeping, chime, alert, Dry syringe, pull plunger out with a pop, Flicking a syringe with finger. Version 2, Syringe squirt liquid out into air, short and fast. Version 1, Body fall on ground, hard slam 3, A mid heavy body fall,Bag, backpack, grab, pick up in a hurry 1, Stackable potato chips (Pringles) tube put down on table, Felt marker pen draw single stroke, squeak on hollow plastic 1, Handball slap, hit 2, Latex rubber mask handling movements 1- all from Zapsplat.com
Content Warnings: misuse of medication by healthcare professionals, dangerous drug use, injections, references risk of death, proposed deceit, medically concerning weight loss, a character’s weight is stated, non-injurious falls
