Episode 14 - Seed Bombing
Date: 645/2/2732
Patient: Qiif, Qiquk
Patient ID: 48596172
Presenting complaint: Loss of smell
Dr Underwood finds joy in her work.
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To avoid spoilers, content warnings are available at the bottom of this page!
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Transcript:
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]
FAYE:
I know, I know. I'm really sorry.
[SOUND: unhappy howl-gurgle]
I don't know how this could have happened. Let me -
[SOUND: unhappy howl-gurgle]
Let me contact my senior and we can get this sorted, okay? It might take some time so why don't you - ?
[SOUND: unhappy howl-gurgle, squelching walk away, pocket zipper, clinic door closes]
Shit.
[SOUND: typing on comms, comms call connecting, footsteps]
Come on!
[SEC: typing on screen]
Dr Adra.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
[SOUND: call disconnected]
Yeah, can you send it?
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Dr Adra, I have a patient outside who I have prescribed Ziadex to for a nasty case of sucker rot. Except, he's intolerant to this medication and I have never heard of Ziadex in my life. Call me back if you can explain how I could have prescribed a drug I've never heard of to a patient I only saw yesterday.
Send message.
[SEC: affirmative ping, message sent, typing on screen, questioning ping]
[SOUND: footsteps, chair]
I mean, she always has an answer. Whether or not it's a good one remains to be seen. [Sigh] What's in Ziadex?
[SEC: typing on screen]
That's not even close to what I prescribed!
[SEC: typing on screen]
Fine. Fine. His tentacles aren't going to fall off. It's fine. Let's . . . Um . . . Let's dictate for Qiif and I can always break off if she calls me back.
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing on screen]
[Sigh] Cool. Fine. Right.
Date: 645/2/2732
Patient: Um, so . . . While qir Quotidian was better than mine, I physiologically cannot make the right sounds to pronounce qir name the Qiquk way. It's spelled Q I I F. Um, and we agreed that it was acceptable for me to pronounce it keef.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Patient ID: 48596172
[MUSIC: begins]
Qiif is a 12 Vesta year old Qiquk from an asteroid that most sentient beings call 3000 Leonardo . . . But only because we can't pronounce its real name. Qiif is the kind of person that the clinic was designed for. Qe works in Olfactory Security for the Intergalactic Board and spends qir time travelling from event to event, planet to planet, quite literally sniffing out the bad eggs and ensuring they are escorted out of the party in qir pincer grip.
Qe . . . Presented to the clinic concerned about qir sense of smell, but that didn't stop qir hovering by the patient chair, as if unsure whether or not to sit down.
'There's something . . . ' Qe said. 'Awake in here.'
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Qe was talking about you, I think. I don't know why you didn't introduce yourself. [Pause]
[SEC: typing on screen]
You are not shy, don't even try it.
Qiif's front limbs waved in a repeated flap, like oars hitting the surface of a moon reservoir and the ripples they create at the same time. I concentrated on pushing out welcoming vibes, unsure if that would translate into a more pleasant room smell.
The clinic chair formed itself around Qiif's retroflexed body and long hind limbs, but qe still looked uncomfortable.
Qiif explained that qe was en route to Mercury for the Quadri-Orbital Scarp Jumping Championships. Qe first noticed the - er - deterioration in qir sense of smell on the most recent job, in which qir colleagues sensed the presence of some banned substances long before qe did. Qiif has been testing qirself with scents that qe knows very well and qe believes that the problem has been getting worse.
I - asked Qiif to quantify the sensory loss in a way that I might understand. Qe - I just, find this. . . Impossible, but - Qe can usually distinguish between every odorous molecule within a metre radius. The olfactory input gets less detailed with distance, which makes sense, but qe said that, in an arena of around a hundred-thousand lifeforms, qe could reliably narrow down a concealed weapon or other banned device to a one hundred person radius.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Well, when the team get close enough, they can be more specific about exactly who or where the smell is coming from.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Uh, from my experience? Impossible. There was a Qiquk on the exam invigilation team at my university and the cheaters always got caught. Qe could smell it in their sweat.
[SEC: negative ping]
You asked! But don't put that in the letter.
Uh, however, Qiif has been noticing a progressive loss of detail in qir immediate sensory field and a definite decrease in qir long distance - uh - sniffing ability.
[SOUND: typing on comms, comms call connecting]
[SEC: typing on screen]
I'm just checking!
[SOUND: comms call disconnected]
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
No, she must be with a patient or something. You know, we hung out together last night? Just us. Rai was busy and it was really nice and she could have just mentioned -
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
Sorry.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Um, A Qiquk's respiratory tract is probably the coolest one there is though, right? It always - um. You know how it's shaped like a spiral?
[SEC: affirmative ping]
It always reminds me of the human cochlea. I read somewhere once that it has something stupid like over five thousand times the nerve endings that the human respiratory tract does and Qiquk also have an extra centre in their brain which maps the entire tract out.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Yeah, exactly, so, like, the more potent a smell is, the further it will travel through the lungs and, um, kind of like - it's kind of like, mass spectrometry, kind of: where larger molecules don't get as far.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Oh, come on, you know I can't really physics.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Or chemistry.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Shush! But putting it all together, Qiquk know what a smell is and how far away it is. It's so . . . Smart.
[SEC: typing on screen]
I'm finding joy in my work.
[SEC: negative ping]
[Pointed clearing of the throat] Aside from the reduction in qir sense of smell, qe also reported a dry cough, with a single episode of clear mucus. Um, Qiif enjoys sports but has also found qirself becoming short of breath, even during a tame match of qikbol. Qiif denied any fever, night sweats, chest pain or myalgia.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Yeah, it did help rule out an infective cause. Qiquk are prone to muscle ache when they have a viral illness because the way they hold their forelegs always flexed means that they are ready to fatigue at the slightest insult.
[SEC: typing on screen]
I mean pathological insult.
[SEC: questioning ping]
Flu.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Qe also told me that qe has not had a runny nose, headache or facial pain. There’s been no change to qir vision or hearing, though neither of those senses are as spectacular as qir sense of smell. Qir taste is intact.
I, uh, thought it wise to collect a travel history from Qiif.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Cheers, I have my moments.
Qir most recent trip was to Io for the 104th Orbital Congress for the Promotion of Jovian Architecture. Before that, qe was out on GJ11326 for a coronation, and, prior to that, qe worked a few jobs in the Kepler system.
I fought to keep my face very still when qe told me that qir team were involved in the handling of the SwiftSwitch Lab security during the riots.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
No, any risk of putting NOSL11 in danger is . . . not one I’m going to take. It would be good to know what qe saw, though.
Qe had no past medical history and had passed qir occupational medical examination a quarter-orbit ago with flying colours or, I don't know, floating scents?
[SEC: negative ping]
Qe has no known allergies and takes no regular medication.
I struggled to get Qiif comfortable on the exam bench. Flat surfaces work well for most anatomies, but the chair worked much better for the examination today. Qir lilac skin looked healthy where it peeked out of qir protective clothing. I listened to Qiif's chest with the new stethoscope that Dr Solari has allowed me to borrow.
Did it - did it work? Can you play it?
[SEC: affirmative ping, file open]
[SOUND: squeaky breathing noises, faint heartbeat]
Oh! Nice. Go on, why don't you tell me what you think, Dr Sec?
[SEC: negative ping]
Go on!
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah, there's some wheeze, and?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Oh, he's good.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Yeah, for the letter let's say, um:
Auscultation of the anterior thorax revealed : widespread wheeze and crackles. Deep inspiration triggers a cough. Normal heart sounds were present.
Given Qiif's . . . Lack of systemic symptoms of infection. I was wondering if this was more something to do with the airway, rather than the lung tissue itself.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah, and the loss of smell.
General inspection of the long, almost cylindrical snout was normal, with no evidence of nasal dripping, crusting or bleeding. So, I proceeded to look through both of the black, twitching nostrils with the ancient nasoscope that, thankfully, I hadn't asked Calyxy to put in storage yet.
I - you know, Sec, there was a moment where I saw the glistening, almost pear-coloured lumps protruding out in between qir purplish nasal cilia, I thought - ah, yeah: bogies.
[SEC: questioning ping]
I know! Qiquk don't even get bogies! Um - don't put that in the letter.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Uh - Visualisation . . . Is that the word I want?
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Visualisation of the nasal cavities revealed several green lumps which appeared to be growing out from the mucosa. I - Um - Gentle manipulation of the most distal lump revealed it to be the leaf of a growing shoot, curled up as though sleeping.
Qiif must have smelled my surprise because qe opened qir mouth to say something and . . . Sneezed all over me.
[SEC: negative ping, negative ping, typing on screen]
I find joy in my work, what can I say?
Uh - Since Xaelest is clearly going through these with those critical eyes of hers, let's say: A carefully considered scan of Qiif's chest revealed hundreds of irregular lesions throughout the whorl of the respiratory tract. I'm . . . Amazed that qir symptoms are as mild as they are, given the picture on imaging. Please find the scan attached.
[SEC: file attached]
With an Arbolite or . . . Perhaps a more adventurous Adrilaen, you might expect to find plant matter growing in places that it shouldn't be. But, this?
Many people have roots in places they shouldn't, but . . . They're usually metaphorical.
When I told Qiif what I’d found, qe went very still, closing qir large, black eyes in what looked like a picture of perfect contemplation. I suspect qe was trying to focus better on the little qe could still smell. Qe asked me how this could have happened and I turned the question back round to qir: how could this have happened?
Qiif initially told me that qe didn't recall inhaling any organic matter and qe didn't think it could be related to a job because none of qir colleagues are suffering with the same problems. Qiif kept qir eyes shut, front legs twitching as qir nostrils flared uselessly.
Now I knew what was inside qir, I noticed a nasal quality to qir voice.
[SEC: typing on screen]
So biased, yeah.
'You can smell deception too.' Qe said.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
I don't know! Qe must have sensed my, uh, Eau de Confused Suspicion was probably in the air.
The event that qe didn't want to tell me about was - uh - a private bit of security work, undertaken alone while the team were on shore leave in the Kepler System.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah, so . . . What do you know about seed bombing?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Hm. Well, the Feeds are a bit quiet about it, even for something happening in a different star system. Have you noticed that different news sources will use pretty much the same headlines but will swap out the term 'Kepler Citizens' for 'Kepler Subversives' depending on who owns the Feed?
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing on screen]
From what I understand, one of the agricultural megacorps from a planet in Kepler 62 has seized land on Kepler 62d and has been planting loads of export crops there, uprooting settled Arbolite communities in the process. So, in order to reclaim this land, the Kepler 62d Arbolites have been flying over the recently sowed areas and raining down the tiny seeds of unprofitable, ugly weeds to out-compete the crops.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Oh, yeah! This is cool - the weeds that they plant are naturally occurring on Kepler 62d and the Arbolites secrete a mild herbicide from their roots which prevents other plants getting too close so, in theory, they'll be able to reclaim the root-space when the company moves on.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah.
In Qiif's case, it seems that qe was hired to raise the alarm if any company workers were around who might see the drones and call their own security. Qe did this using qir then-impressive sense of smell, and I think qe must have inhaled hundreds of airborne seeds as they floated down into the soil. The weeds grow within a matter of weeks and the seeds in the warm, moist conditions of Qiif's respiratory tract, have clearly had an easy time sneaking their roots into qir bronchi.
[Sigh] Unfortunately, just because the mechanism of the presentation made sense . . . It didn't make me more confident about how on Earth I was gonna help qir. Qiif was not happy when I told qir that the only option I could see was to return home to 3000 Leonardo for treatment. I appreciate that this will result in a lot of time away from work, but there is no-one else in the Belt qualified enough to treat Qiquk olfactory issues other than a Qiquk physician. The anatomy is just way too complex.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Pff, I dunno. Um, I was trying to think about some kind of herbicidal medication, maybe something that we'd given an Arbolite? But I drew a blank.
And whatever I prescribed, Dr Adra would have just changed it so -
[SOUND: incoming comms call]
Is that her?
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
Oh. Answer it?
[SOUND: comms call answered]
DAKARAI:
Hi, hi, hi! Guess who I just got off a comms call with?
FAYE:
Hm, was it Dr Adra by any chance?
DAKARAI:
Uh - umm . . .
FAYE:
How could I have prescribed a drug that I've never heard of? Hm? I've got an angry patient in the waiting room who's had a reaction to a drug that I did not prescribe!
DAKARAI:
[Murmured] Oh, Sweet Daedalus.
FAYE:
I - How is Xael changing my prescriptions behind my back going to teach me anything except for the fact that I can't trust her?
DAKARAI:
Okay, okay. We should definitely talk about this . . . But I need to tell you about something that just happened.
FAYE:
Oh. Is everything okay?
DAKARAI:
Jien just called me.
FAYE:
Jien? Like NOSL11 and Jien?
DAKARAI:
Yes! They're booked in to see us next week.
FAYE:
Really? Are they okay?
DAKARAI:
I think so! They're sending over a file with the information they've been able to dig up.
FAYE:
They're sending it over now?
DAKARAI:
It's loading.
Does Sec want a copy?
[SEC: affirmative ping, affirmative ping]
[Laughs]
FAYE:
Okay. Okay. Uh - I just need to finish this letter and then I'll be right there. Don't - don't say anything to Xael if you haven't already.
DAKARAI:
Faye -
FAYE:
See you soon!
[SOUND: comms call ended]
[SEC: typing on screen]
[MUSIC: begins]
I know! Stars, okay. Let's just summarise and wrap up. Um, where did I start rambling?
[SEC: typing on screen]
I'm amazed that qir symptoms are as mild as they are given the picture on imaging.
With my limited knowledge of the intricacies of the Qiquk olfactory/respiratory system. I have advised Qiif to take time away from work to urgently attend a specialist on 3000 Leonardo.
Um, Qiif provided me with the details of qir regular physician who will receive a copy of this letter. I have submitted a request for an urgent medical transfer to the IGB.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Yes please!
[SEC: file attached]
Thank you.
As an aside, this was a fascinating case and I would be grateful for any correspondence regarding how this is managed. A return comms code is found at the top of this letter.
Okay!
[SEC: questioning ping]
Okay! NOSL11!
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Do you wanna come down to the lab with me, Sec? You have to promise you won't get jealous of the pretty computers, though.
[SEC: negative ping]
Suit yourself.
Call me if Xael turns up, yeah? Or if you hear angry tentacle sounds.
[SEC: typing on screen, affirmative ping]
Signed,
Dr Faye Underwood
The Vesta Clinic
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]
CREDITS
This episode of the Vesta Clinic was created by AMC. It starred AMC as Faye Underwood, Kamen Cooley-Greene as Dakarai Solari, and Sec as himself. Music by AMC and Ruby Campbell.
Please check out our show notes for content warnings, transcripts, and your prescription of: a long bath and a good book.
If you enjoyed this episode and would like to help the show reach more ears, please tell someone who loves podcasts to check into the Vesta Clinic. You can also follow us on your social media of choice at @vestaclinicpod! We'd love to see you there!
Sound Effect Attributions:
Spaceship compartment door.With pneumatics(8lrs,mltprcssng).wav by newlocknew at Freesound.org
Typing metal plate(reson,rev,DTBlkfx,Eq,Extr,sat,dcmtr)12.wav by newlocknew at Freesound.org
Connect2 by RICHERIandTV at Freesound.org
Critical Stop4 by RICHERIandTV at Freesound.org
Toxic Waste.wav by morganpurkis at Freesound.org
"Exotic Creature Song, 01.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org
Content Warnings: Deception; Prescribing errors; Corporate colonialism
