Episode 12 - Prestigist
Date: 635/2/2732
Patient: Aurelle Cherith, Thyreophoran
Patient ID: 10003478
Presenting Complaint: Scale colour
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Please consider supporting us on Patreon! The bonus story for this episode is called ‘Scale Scrub’ and is available here!
To avoid spoilers, content warnings are available at the bottom of this page!
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Transcript:
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme Tune]
[SOUND: door opening, footsteps, door closing]
FAYE:
[SOUND: putting things in the sharps bin, metal clinking]
Consider my ovaries frozen. Dead. Just, entirely dysfunctional.
Ugh. I'd rather never have children than risk them turning out like that.
[SEC: typing on screen]
No, that is a good point. I don't think I'll ever end up as that sort of parent.
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
Can you call Dr Adra for me, please?
[SEC: affirmative ping]
[SOUND: outgoing comms call, call answered]
XAEL:
Don't pull that face.
FAYE:
[Defensive] I'm not pulling a face. I'm just not sure how we got from: 'Scanning patients is too expensive' to 'You must perform unnecessary and potentially harmful treatments on children.'
XAEL:
[Sigh] Aurelle's father is Dr Cherith -
FAYE:
Ooh. What specialty?
XAEL:
- Business and Marketing. Dr Cherith has been a vital source of income for the Clinic since the Professor cured his imphanklomyotosis when he was younger. I would very much like to ensure those donations keep coming now that the Professor has passed.
FAYE:
Hm. I didn't know any of that.
XAEL:
Just tell me you did it perfectly.
FAYE:
I . . . Did . . . Something.
XAEL:
What did you do?
FAYE:
Well, each injection costs close to 200,000 creds, right?
XAEL:
Mm.
FAYE:
So, instead of using like ten vials of the stuff, I diluted one vial with enough saline to do all of the plates.
[Pause]
Don't be mad.
XAEL:
Did it work?
FAYE:
Yeah! I mean, I think so.
How much trouble am I in?
XAEL:
[Laugh] None. Yet. Make sure you describe exactly the dose you gave in the letter though.
FAYE:
Really?
XAEL:
Yes. Consider the quality of lawyers the Cherith family employ. We can't afford to lie. Just . . . Say that's how you were taught on Earth.
FAYE:
I didn't even train on Earth.
XAEL:
Faye.
FAYE:
Fine. My poor little Earthling brain got all confused, I've never seen a Thyreophoran before.
XAEL:
[Amused but saying nothing] Call me if you need me.
[SOUND: call ends]
FAYE:
I really don't know how to feel about the fact that my wages are being paid by the parents of that little monster.
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing on screen]
Yes! I thought she'd jumped the queue! There's a doothgrund out there and their arm -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Ugh, yes, fine. Let's do it.
Date: 635/2/2732
Patient: Aurelle Cherith, Thyreophoran
Patient ID: 10003478
[MUSIC: begins]
[Sarcastic] It was a delight to meet young Aurelle Cherith in the clinic today. She is a 4.2 Vesta year old Thyreophoran from Europa who benefits - hm, no - who tells me that she is the only child of the most successful electricity supplier on the Jovian moon.
[SEC: typing on screen]
You can say that again.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Aurelle attended with her . . . What would you say, Sec? Nanny?
[SEC: questioning ping]
Nah, she's like 15 Earth years . . . More like a . . . Babysitter? Babysitter sounds too informal for their family set-up.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Yep. That'll do.
Aurelle attended clinic with her tutor and a member of the family's security team. However, these two staff members were denied access to the clinic room - by the patient, I should add. Given her age, I permitted this despite the lack of signed approval from a guardian.
I didn't really have a choice, did I?
[SEC: negative ping]
Stars, I really hate it when kids forbid me to do things. I don't care if your adult teeth are growing in, kiddo, I have a legal obligation to tell your guardian if you tell me something bad. So, when Miss Cherith wrapped up her shouting match with her nanny -
[SEC: typing on screen]
- tutor, whatever - and proceeded to stomp in and say 'You can't tell anyone I was here'? I already wanted to scream.
By the time I had recovered enough to explain that I can't necessarily promise that, Aurelle had turned her attention to her comms, each beat of her claws on the screen a loud, staccato clack.
She paused, and looked up at me from beneath a pair of concerningly long eyelashes for a species with no body hair.
'Don't you know who I am?' The teenage Thyreophoran asked me. There was something pitying in her tone. Even more condescending, was the way her claws kept tapping away at her comms. She needed me to know that I was not worth her full attention.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
You assume correctly. If you hear me being negative about the philanthropist's progeny, no you did not.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
What you can put in the letter is: Aurelle . . . Wasted no time in stating her reason for attending the clinic today. In between her home-schooling and the various events she attends with her parents, she is a self-described 'Prestigist' with billions -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Ooh, so she was exaggerating?
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing on screen]
You're so petty.
[SEC: questioning ping]
But, for this patient, it's a good thing. Uh . . . She is a self-described 'Prestigist' with almost a billion followers on different social sites on the Network. I am assured that this is a good thing, and something that requires dedication and talent to achieve.
Given that . . . I am quite far removed from a lot of the spaces on the Network that younger people tend to enjoy -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Erm, we're being snarky about the patient only, thanks.
[SEC: typing on screen]
I asked Aurelle to explain this to me in more detail and she gladly obliged. Ish.
To be fair, this was the most enthusiastic we saw her about anything throughout the entire consultation. I don't know if you noticed,
[SEC: questioning ping]
I was trying to subtly describe the pictures for you. But, the thing she was enthusiastic about was . . . Pictures of herself. Not even that. Like, heavily edited pictures of herself and scale studs and shuttles and other expensive things. I can't even fully comprehend how much time it must take her to not only set up the shot, but to then painstakingly go through and adjust the photos to meet her standards. From the captions I saw, she's cultivated this Network personality - a much more sophisticated and grown-up personality than she actually has - and people seem to lap it up.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
No, I'm not. The photos are very professional and the whole thing looks like a lot of effort but . . . She's only 4 Vesta years old. I'm not sure that spending hours editing photos of your own body is mentally . . . Ideal. For anyone.
And, what I failed to appreciate at first, I think, was that some of the . . . 'editing', shall we say? - is done before the photo is taken. That's what brought her to see us.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Sorry. Got on a tangent.
Aurelle explained to me that an important part of being a Prestigist is staying up to date with current beauty trends, and creating new ones for your followers to adopt. At the moment, the Thyreophoran considered most stunning to the wider Galactic community, all have this vivid redness to their spinal plates. While it's fairly easy to recreate this with editing software, the real difficulty lies in achieving this in real life. Some Thyreophoran are born with it, some are turning to cosmetic interventions to make it happen.
Aurelle is under the care of a scalotologist on Europa who’s been providing her with vascular growth factor injections to the spiny plates. These injections theoretically increase the number of blood vessels within the plates and, thus, makes them appear redder.
At least, that's what Aurelle would have told me if she wasn't being incredibly difficult and only replying in single word, often single syllable answers.
When I made the mistake of asking her if there was a medical reason she needed the injections, she was shocked into making eye contact. Perhaps, 'disgusted into making eye contact' is a more accurate description. She gave me one of the most scathing looks I have ever received. And I have a younger sister.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
No, obviously that can't go in.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Um, Aurelle made it clear that the injections were for cosmetic reasons only and, when asked why she was attending this medical satellite and not consulting with her regular doctor at home, she explained that her family are travelling to a last minute dinner at the Silicon Towers on their way home from a business trip on Mars, and she wouldn't have time to get an appointment otherwise.
At the time, part of me was surprised that they didn't just fly her scalotologist out to meet them. But it makes more sense now, knowing that the clinic is somewhat in the pocket of Aurelle's parents.
Before agreeing to anything, I asked Aurelle a little more about her health in general. She told me that she has suffered from a dry scale condition since she was a young chick. She couldn't tell me the name of it, but informed me - in a halting distraction that had my foot jigging impatiently - that her condition tends to affect her paws and face, causing increased shedding in these areas. Her scalotologist advised generic scale care measures and a number of scale softeners. Given the absence of a guardian to corroborate Aurelle's reported lack of other medical history, I put out a search on the MedWeb for her records and found nil else other than an allergy to stumpnuts.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Oh, yeah. It had nothing to do with her presenting alone and everything to do with the fact that she was being impossible to get information out of.
There was . . . Some difficulty in getting Aurelle to understand the need for a chaperone while I examined her. She was curiously paranoid that the staff members at the clinic were secret paparazzi and insisted that no-one else could be in the room while I examined her or performed the procedure.
[SEC: typing on screen]
I -
[SEC: typing on screen]
I know. And part of my insistence was because I knew it would make for an easy excuse not to do it. However, when Aurelle saw - No. Let's not make it sound like she took one look at Calyxy and deemed her technologically inept. Hm. When Aurelle met Calyxy, the Clinic's nurse, she felt comfortable with her presence.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Listen. If you need someone to fix the Fluidiser or set up 20 lines of IV meds, Calyxy is your best friend. But, I had to show her how to open a video from her offspring on her comms the other day . . . So. It wasn't an entirely inaccurate assessment by Aurelle.
Aurelle's medical records state that she has been advised to use the Scalico Ointment twice a day on affected areas, and it seems that the treatment is working well as I couldn't find any areas of flaking or crusting during my examination today. Her body scales had a healthy, incandescent sheen over the deep olive green pigmentation beneath.
Her spinal plates were roughly pentagonal in shape and stood out at 45 degree angles to a distance of about 30cm, two plates to every fourth vertebra. Prior to treatment, to my eyes, they already seemed red: a dusky maroon at the base, bleeding upwards into a much brighter scarlet at the tip.
I examined closer, hunting for any signs of abnormal vessel growth such as the spider-like coils of malformed capillaries - a sign that the previous injections had been causing harm. But . . . I was pleased to find nothing abnormal on my examination.
When I remarked on the health of Aurelle's scales and plates, she growled a vehement disagreement and shoved her comms under my nose to show me a picture of an elegant Thyreophoran sunning himself in the sparkling dome of a Venus Resort. I am sceptical that such a demanding shade of red is naturally possible, but I can appreciate why Aurelle feels compelled to strive for it when surrounded by this kind of content.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Thank you! I am very empathetic.
This is where . . .
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah.
I asked Aurelle to return to her seat and explained to her that she appeared perfectly healthy. I told her to keep up the good work with her ointment, because it was clearly working.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Oh, no. Believe me, I had her rapt attention. I think she could smell the word 'no' coming. The way she stared at me was like a Troglodan in the mouth of a cave, waiting for me to come close enough for her to grab.
Delicately, I explained that the nature and initial purpose of the Clinic was to provide routine medical or minor surgical care to people who don't otherwise have easy access to it. The treatment Aurelle was requesting was not medically necessary, nor was it vital that we did it here when she has a private scalotologist who would happily treat her on Europa. For these reasons, I told her that I didn't feel that it was in the remit of the clinic to provide cosmetic treatments, unless I felt that the patient was going to suffer psychologically without it.
[SEC: typing on screen]
[Laugh] Aurelle gave me a look which suggested that I was at risk suffering psychologically if I didn't give her what she wanted. A look which was chased by the appearance of three rows of fangs.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah, it was her you could hear. I've always thought of angry Thyreophoran as volcanoes because they can't physically cry and so, instead, they release clouds of grey steam as they exhale a deep rumbling growl. My patient huffed across from me, trembling and smoking with rage. About to erupt.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah, I called Xael. I have been told to call her if I need her. Uh. How to summarise the, uh, all of that?
I expressed my uncertainty about whether we provided the requested service at the clinic, but agreed to contact my senior doctor to check. Dr Adra confirmed that it was appropriate to perform the procedure.
Xael said no at first, you know? Yeah. Then, when I mentioned the patient's name she completely changed her tune, to the point where she said she'd leave her current patient and come and do the injections herself. I mean, it makes sense now. Kind of.
[SEC: questioning ping]
I was just surprised because she's usually so cautious about us wasting resources! To the point where, every time I have to leave the clinic room to gather treatment, because I know she's going to know what's been taken out of the pharmacy, I really think to myself 'Do I need to give this drug, is there another, cheaper thing that I could be giving?'.
[SEC: typing on screen]
She has got under my skin about it all! And like I said on the comms, each vial of vascular growth factor costs at least double my wage each orbit. I'm surprised we even have it on the satellite. So, I stared down at the tiny vial of clear fluid in my hands, thinking about how it was deemed equivalent to a working year of my life and that was when the, dare I say, truly inspired idea of watering it down with entirely harmless sodium chloride hit.
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
It worked really well! I prepped everything in the pharmacy so that Aurelle wouldn’t get suspicious and the procedure itself wasn't technically difficult at all.
Aurelle laid in the prone position on the examination bench for the procedure - which I think she liked because she could still be on her comms.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Nurse Calyxy kindly acted as a chaperone again. Uh, aseptic techniques were used. A 10mL vial of 0.1% VGF was diluted in 500mL of sodium chloride.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Hah. "As per the Earthen standard." And 25mLs of the solution was injected into each plate.
At the end of the procedure, Aurelle's plates were already firmer to the touch, and Aurelle seemed satisfied with the results. Put that in bold.
[SEC: questioning ping, typing on screen]
[Laugh] No, I'm joking. She didn't even say thank you, she just didn't kick off.
Ugh. Nearly there.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Though we at the clinic are happy to have helped, given Aurelle's underlying scale condition, future treatments would be best delivered by her experienced scalotologist, who has done an excellent job with her scales so far, and who will be copied into this letter. Hopefully, a little flattery will stop them contacting the clinic to sink their claws into me about how incorrectly I performed the procedure.
[SOUND: message alert, pocket zip]
Hah.
[SEC: questioning ping]
Xael just messaged to tell me that the Cherith Family have just donated to the clinic
[SOUND: message alert]
Stars - that’s . . . A lot of zeroes.
The real test, though, is if Aurelle has put a picture of my handiwork on the Network. What was the name of the site?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Oh, yeah. Pull her up?
[SEC: file open]
Um, hm. Oh. There! That was her.
[SEC: file open]
[Laugh] Her scales were not that red when she left us.
Who else is on here? Try Xaelest?
[SEC: typing on screen,negative ping]
No, I didn't think she would be, somehow.
What about Rai?
[SEC: affirmative ping, file open]
Ooh, that's . . . Abstract.
[SOUND: scrolling]
Aw, he looks so young here. They must be the brothers he was telling me about. What about . . .
[SOUND: typing]
Huh. She never told me she'd got this.
[SOUND: scrolling]
These are recent. Nic's sister gave birth last year and that looks like a birthday party in the video.
[SOUND: scrolling, clicking]
You okay, Sec? You've frozen.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
[SOUND: scrolling]
Why aren't you scrolling then? Sec?
[SEC: questioning ping]
Scroll down. Sec!
[SEC: negative ping]
What are you trying to stop me from seeing?
[SEC: negative ping]
Sec!
[SEC: file open]
[SOUND: scrolling]
[Pause]
Open it.
[SEC: file open]
[Pause]
[SOUND: chair, footsteps]
[SEC: questioning ping]
Right. Excuse me . . . I need to . . . Make a call . . . .
[SOUND: footsteps, clinic door opens]
[SEC: questioning ping, typing on screen, questioning ping, questioning ping]
[SOUND: clinic door closes]
[SEC: questioning ping]
[Pause]
[SEC: negative ping]
[SOUND: clinic door opens]
[SEC: multiple questioning pings]
[From outside]
Signed,
Dr Faye Underwood
The Vesta Clinic
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]
CREDITS
This episode of the Vesta Clinic was created by AMC. It starred AMC as Faye Underwood, Ruby Campbell as Xaelest Adrea and Sec as himself. Music by AMC and Ruby Campbell.
Please check out our show notes for content warnings, transcripts, and your prescription of: an HOUR LONG lunch break.
If you enjoyed this episode and would like to help the show reach more ears, please tell someone who loves podcasts to check into the Vesta Clinic. You can also follow us on your social media of choice at @vestaclinicpod! We'd love to see you there!
Sound Effect Attributions: Spaceship compartment door.With pneumatics(8lrs,mltprcssng).wav by newlocknew at Freesound.org
Typing metal plate(reson,rev,DTBlkfx,Eq,Extr,sat,dcmtr)12.wav by newlocknew at Freesound.org
Zipper card out of pocket.wav by BarkersPinhead at Freesound.org
"Tearing, Newspaper, C.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org
Content Warnings: Reference to body image issues, cosmetic procedures, social media related pressures, emotional distress, reference to potential safeguarding issues, deception
