Episode 17 - Drifter
Patient: ‘Goggles’, Gralli
Date: 661/2/2732
Patient ID: 4869573
Presenting Complaint: Drifting
Dr Underwood wouldn’t, perhaps, use the word ‘cursed’.
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TransCRIPT
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]
FAYE
You alright?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Are you . . . sure about that?
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing on screen, questioning ping]
Well, you - you seem a little -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Okay.
Are you sure?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Okay? Um . . . Is this about what I think it’s about because -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Alright. Okay. Good idea.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Are you up to it?
[SEC: typing on screen, affirmative ping]
Alright - well, you just let me know.
[Clears throat]
[MUSIC: begins]
Date: 661/2/2732
Patient: ‘Goggles’, Gralli
Patient ID: 4869573
It was a pleasure to review this patient, a 14 Vesta Year old Gralli from Pluto, in clinic today. The consultation took place with the assistance of a larval Gralli who acted as a translator.
I’m glad Calyxy noticed early that we were gonna need a translator. It took sym so long to answer the comms! When the larval wiggle of our translator, the manca, popped up on the screen, se did so with an excited click of syr mouthparts. Se explained that se never actually expected to be called. Gralli in syr fifth instar live a solitary lifestyle, hurtling towards the Sun and stopping only to feed on bits of carrion along the way, therefore the need for medical translators is almost an afterthought.
There were . . . two immediate issues when my patient wheeled syrself into the clinic room. The first was immediately obvious. Our unbiased, neutral translator was neither unbiased nor neutral. The pair locked compound eyes through the computer screen and the room erupted into a cacophony of chime-like mandibular clacking. I stood there with a smile, trying to remember if this was the usual way that Gralli greeted each other until the manca turned syr attention back to me and explained that the reason for the buzz was because my patient was one of syr progenitors.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Yeah, not ideal!
Please can you highlight in the letter somewhere that: Upon discovery that the patient and the translator were related, I clarified twice that it was okay with both parties to proceed with the consultation. They were both satisfied with the arrangement.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
The second issue we encountered was that my patient didn’t have a name for syr medical records as it would not be possible to translate the percussion of syr mandibular clicks into quotidian. The manca had a straightforward solution to this and told the patient to pick a name - suggesting that they picked one from what they could see around the room.
I advised against syr first pick: ‘Fluidiser’. And the manca seemed to ripple with amusement as it informed sym that se probably didn’t want to be called ‘Specimen’. Se was fascinated with the warning labels on the Fluidiser, and I watched the signs dance as tiny yellow sparkles in the reflection of syr compound eyes as se took them in. Syr mouthparts chimed, followed by a satisfied echo from the manca, and I was informed that my patient’s name was ‘Goggles.’
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning]
Yes? Y-es! Of course, I wear goggles every time I use the fluidiser . . .
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
It was really cute actually, because perhaps unbeknownst to the patient, se had rings of iridescence surrounding the convexity of each eye - it looked like se had syr own little spectacles on already!
[SEC: typing on screen]
Goggles wheeled syr chair closer and stared at me in expectation. I asked the manca to introduce me and ask my patient what took them off course to come and see us today.
Goggles replied in a harmonious drum that I had no hope of understanding. I could, however, interpret the sudden stiffness of the manca’s midlateral welts and the shrill ringing of the single phrase se uttered in response. I saw my patient withdraw into syrself as the translator twitched with a fearful energy. I sensed something horrible was coming.
‘Cursed!’ Se told me, ‘Goggles has the curse!’ The manca stared at me as though se was about to witness me flinging my patient into the Sun myself.
‘I’m going to need a little more information.’ I told them both. ‘What do you mean by cursed?’
There was a period of time where they clicked and popped their mouthparts at each other. The Manca repeated: cursed! And Drifter! And I felt my eyebrows twisting into roughly the shape of a question mark. I tried to dampen the growing hysteria in the room.
‘Take me back to when you first noticed something was wrong.’
It has been 758 Pluto days since Goggles matured into syr adult form, laid syr eggs and departed from Pluto. Se was initially well and looking forward to making the long journey to the centre of the Solar System. Over time, Goggles noticed that se was becoming more tired and syr zizz stretches were increasing in length.
After an unremembered amount of time, se noticed that syr joints started to ache - particularly the plate joints which Gralli use to fix syrselves into syr spacecraft and chairs. Goggles caught my gaze drifting to syr posterior surface as the manca told me about this and pointed with syr paw claw at the points where the rough speckle of syr exoskeleton met with the rest of syr thorax. I nodded and hoped se understood that I understood.
After some back and forth, I was able to ascertain that the pain was felt as - well, what se actually said was ‘pain like the weight of the pupa mound’ - but I translate that as a kind of heavy ache. Syr back plates were worst affected, but there had also been some pain in the knee joints and the paws. The pain was worse after long periods of solitary flight and had previously been relieved by visits to a nearby moon.
I asked if syr mandible ever ached and se denied this. Se had not experienced any spiricle issues, no eye sight issues or problems with digestion or appetite. Se did not appreciate the concept of ‘mood’ the way I attempted to explain it, but were insistent that syr tiredness affected syr time awake.
When asked about syr vision, I believe there was a brief mistranslation but it did highlight that Goggles had been struggling with dry eyes. On further questioning se also reported um, dryness to the mandibles. There must be a better way of saying that?
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Oh, nice, yeah. Perimandibular xerosis.
Something in my face must have changed as I slotted those symptoms into the puzzle of the consultation. I don’t know how my patient interpreted it, but se became quite stressed. The manca bounced up and down in syr folds on the screen before telling me with a new awkwardness that Goggles didn’t think I believed syr. I denied this, of course, and asked the translator to explain to Goggles that, while I wouldn’t perhaps use the word ‘cursed’, I did believe that they were unwell and I had a few ideas about the cause, I just needed to ask a few more questions.
Goggles stared at me as syr larva conveyed this, perfectly still but for the subconscious swim of syr inner mandibles. At long last, se hit the left inner mandible against the outer in a single beat of uncertain acquiescence.
Once Goggles had settled back against the dark curve of syr walker, I turned my questions towards syr exoskeletal plates. From where I was sitting, I could see the light absorbing grit of the outer surface and the marbled shine of the under-surface. The plates extruded from syr back and disappeared into the clamps holding them inside the backrest of syr walker.
Oh!
[SEC: questioning ping]
How do you do surgery on a Gralli?
[SEC: questioning ping]
How do you do surgery on a Gralli?
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping, typing on screen]
You don't.
[SEC: questioning ping]
You don't! It's a joke. Because syr plates are so impenetrable. Se do need to survive literally everything up to . . . The Sun.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it might help cheer you up? We will talk about it, I'm -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Alright. Not in the mood for jokes. Got it.
I asked syr if se had noticed any changes to syr plates and se responded enthusiastically, though I struggled to understand the metaphors se was using and the manca couldn't find a different way to explain it to me. However, with skin, joint and constitutional symptoms, it was all sounding quite rheumatological to me. Which - not for the letter - was pretty exciting!
I clarified that Goggles was usually well and doesn’t take any regular medications.
Then I needed to pin down why se thought se was cursed. Goggles explained to me, via the writhing lyricism of the manca, that se had ancestors who, after reaching ser final instar, set off towards the Sun and never sent syr final broadcast back to Pluto. This is fortunately uncommon, but happens often enough that the Gralli have a name for these poor travellers, one that translates to ‘Drifters’. From what I can understand, it is a deep cultural taboo not to complete one’s journey and these ‘Drifters’ are often discussed with . . . disgust. Goggles fears that se carries the same curse that caused syr ancestors to Drift . . . if that’s a verb I’m allowed to refashion.
Goggles explained to me that being unwell is very disturbing to syr as it’s not something that a Gralli anticipates in their lifetime the same way a human might. Se expressed syr discomfort at the human experience of knowing that you’ll die, but not when or how. Se’s mandibles quivered as se explained se has no idea how we deal with that.
[Pause]
Sorry.
[SEC: negative ping]
Examination revealed several peculiar markings over my patient’s exoskeletal plates. There was no obvious pattern to their presence. Each was roughly 5mm in diameter and circular in shape with a rolled edge like the lip of a Moon crater. It’s hard to describe. There was a central hypopigmented - pale - um, patch?
[SEC: typing on screen]
[Correcting herself] Macule, in the centre, surrounded by crescentic whorls of similar hypopigmentation. It gave the impression that someone had pushed into the gritty topography of Goggle’s back and left a ghostly fingerprint behind.
I - had never seen anything like it.
There were five lesions in total, four on the posterior plates and one across syr thorax. Se had only noticed the one on syr thorax and was obviously perturbed to learn about the others.
I examined syr joints and found small joint effusions at the site of each plate joint as well as a single hard nodule at the base of syr right first paw. There was nothing of note on examination of the knees.
Closer, hands-free, inspection of the mandibles revealed a dullness to the surrounding face and reduced oil secretion in this area.
A sample of haemolymph was, uh, extracted from the left upper axillary pool. Please find the unremarkable results attached.
[SEC: file attached]
Thank you. Uh, please note that it was not possible to test for all known auto-antibodies given the . . . limitations of the services offered by the clinic.
I lowered Goggles from the examination bench back into syr walker and was able to see the strain ripple through syr body as se lifted syr plates to insert them into the backrest. From the screen, the manca watched as we repositioned ourselves in front of the computer.
I reassured Goggles that the symptoms se had told me about and the findings on examination did not represent a ‘curse’ - which implies a predestined poor outcome - but rather a disease which has likely been passed down through generations of Gralli. It would appear that this is not a common concept for Gralli and it took . . . a while to help them understand the basics of genetic inheritance as we know it.
It wasn’t helped by the fact that when they asked me to utilise my own experience to help in explaining, I had to explain that my dads weren’t biologically related to me and it didn’t work quite that way.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Ha. Yeah. Uh, maybe another time.
I assumed - like an idiot - that this slow and careful explanation would be reassuring to Goggles. Unfortunately, I didn’t quite get to find out syr immediate reaction to the news because the manca started - I can only describe it as wailing. I tore my eyes from the crude diagram I had drawn on the screen for Goggles to the swaying shriek of our interpreter.
I was already aware that the manca was one of Goggles’ brood but, consumed with the puzzle of diagnosis and the complexity of the explanation, I’d pushed that information to the back of my mind. The manca commanded my attention, driven to hysterics at the idea of developing the same symptoms as my patient.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Aw. Thank you. I just - said words and waited for something to stick. It’s not in any de-escalation training manual but, hey, se stopped writhing.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Ha. You’re right. Uh, for the letter let’s say that, um, the consultation was briefly interrupted by personal distress from the translator who, um - no, let’s leave it at that, I’ll cover the rest in the other letter.
Once confident that my patient had a good grasp of the diagnosis: a yet-unknown genetic condition affecting the joints and skin, I explained the management plan to them.
We will refer them onwards to a genetic centre for counselling and to an interspecies rheumatologist. Obviously, se would not be persuaded to fly away from the Sun and therefore, I have suggested several centres in the vicinity of Mars which should accept syr. Copies of this letter will be forwarded to each. We have also requested scalotologist review for the changes to syr plates.
I recommended trialling simple analgesia for the aches and we have supplied syr with this.
We have agreed to trial oral mancorteroid to see if it improves syr current symptoms. I have advised syr of the common side effects and se knows to seek urgent medical attention if se develops severe headache, visual disturbance, thirst or vomiting. Se understands that se must not stop the medication suddenly. Unfortunately, we do not have a store of this medication at the clinic but Goggles has been directed to places where syr prescription will be accepted.
We did, however, have a suitable ointment for syr eyes and mandibles which I applied for syr. Se reported an immediate relief in symptoms and gladly accepted the remainder of the tube for use as often as required.
The current symptom burden is clearly affecting Goggles’ quality of life. However, I believe that se is still safe to fly. Se has been safety-netted to land urgently and seek medical attention if syr ability to pilot syr spacecraft is impacted in any way.
Finally, I took the opportunity to explain to Goggles that these symptoms should be treatable, but likely represent a chronic condition which may not be curable. Se will have good day cycles and - less good - [pause] uh, day cycles that are more challenging. Se needs to be kind to syrself and avoid pushing syrself further than syr body wants to go. Unfortunately, I was not aware of any support groups specific to Gralli, but I have provided Goggles with information about other interspecies charities for those with chronic illnesses.
Goggles seemed not to blink the entire time I was speaking but, at last, reached out a paw to me and chimed syr understanding. I shook syr tiny paw with two of my fingers and the manca informed me that Goggles found syr first human handshake very exciting. Se had no further questions for me.
Okay, please can we start a new letter but attach it to this one? I need to write a quick one for the manca as well.
[SEC:affirmative ping]
Date: 661/2/2732
Patient: ‘Manca’, Gralli
Patient ID: 4869574
This patient is a 1 Vesta Year old Gralli larvae who I consulted over video link today. My patient - Oh, this is so bad!
Um. My patient - No. Um. Due to the limited availability of quotidian-Grallian translators, this patient came to me through syr role as a translator for another patient, who - who was syr - who was a relative of syr. During that consultation, it came to light that se may also be a carrier of a previously undescribed rheumatological syndrome which may be related to the Gralli phenomenon of ‘Drifting’.
The manca, as I was directed to refer to syr, is asymptomatic at present, although se does not have joints or plates which could ache in syr current instar. I - explained that it is not currently possible to say what the likelihood of se developing the disease is. Se has understandable anxiety -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Uh, are you alright, Sec?
[SEC: negative ping]
What’s the matter?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise it would remind you of them . . . I guess - I can see the similarities. They had a genetic cancer syndrome, didn’t they? Do you need to take a minute?
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen, questioning ping, typing on screen]
[Defensive] Whoa, okay! I know - I know I agreed to help.
[SEC: typing on screen]
I have been trying! Between regular clinic work and my bleep going off and helping Rai in the lab. . . I thought the first step would be finding out what I can about them, The Professor - to understand the situation better.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Sec - what’s the point in me telling you what you already know?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Fine! Fine. I’ll prove it!
[SEC: affirmative ping]
[SOUND: tablet]
You have to dig for anything remotely personal, but there were a number of obituaries detailing their career. The Professor - or, Aerglo Rae, as the articles tended to refer to them - trained at the Interplanetary Institute’s School of Medicine. Which, I already knew, because: me too. They worked around Mars initially then moved out to the Asteroid Belt to set up the clinic.
And then, so . . . from what I’ve pieced together, they got cancer, and started working on . . . what you have described as a way to link their consciousness with a computer - like, a ceresaur might link to their ship but . . . much more permanent. It - It appears that they didn’t complete this project before their passing. Is that right?
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
[Sigh] If I’ve got it wrong then help me understand! Or, at least, let me ask Xaelest -
[SEC: negative ping]
Or Dakarai -
[SEC: negative ping]
Why?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Xael -?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Okay - then -
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping, typing on screen, questioning ping]
Of course, I don’t want to upset anyone. I don’t want to upset you either. I’m just . . . at a bit of a loss.
I know they’re private, but what about your old recordings? Is there nothing in there that would be helpful?
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
I mean, yes. Fair. I’d never have time to listen to them all anyway.
Did they not save any notes?
[SEC: typing on screen]
So they wouldn’t lose their work if something happened to you during experimentation?
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Again, fair. But annoying. Do you know where they kept those notes?
[SEC: negative ping]
I could ask Xael, she was the one who -
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
Against what? Why?
[SEC: typing on screen]
It is complicated. So, no recordings, no notes, no advice from my colleagues who knew The Prof? But you believe they’re alive?
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen]
Sorry, yes. You believe that their consciousness remains . . . where?
[SEC: typing on screen]
In an unknown vessel, in an unknown location.
[SEC: typing on screen]
I’m not - I’m not - I know it’s not funny. It’s just - you don’t have access to anything regarding this plan of theirs or the experiments they did?
[SEC: negative ping, questioning ping]
[Pause]
[Sigh]
[SEC: questioning ping, typing on screen, typing on screen]
Where? Here?
[SOUND: shuffling, click, drawer opening]
Hah. I didn’t even know this was here! I could’ve had snacks in here this whole time!
[SEC: negative ping]
What am I looking for?
[SEC: typing on screen]
Uhh.
[SOUND: rummaging through cables]
Oh. I think I’ve got it. Uh, there’s a wire with a uniconnector on one end and . . . like a - hard plastic shell with a weird shape cut out of it on the other? It looks like a C shape, or, I guess, a U depending on which way you hold it? But more abstract. You know, it looks like a macrophage in phagocytosis.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Don’t act like that’s news to you. So I assume this is what connects to you and we’re looking for the piece that fits in this gap here? It’s tiny!
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing on screen]
Okay. I will . . . do better. I promise. I don’t know how . . . but, I’ll . . . work something out.
[SOUND: cable is returned to the drawer]
If it’s not too much to ask and you’re feeling up to it, please find anything you can that might help from your memory.
[SEC: affirmative ping, typing on screen]
Don’t be silly. When is grief ever convenient?
[SEC: typing on screen]
[Heartfelt noise] I know. You all miss them. It’s - palpable.
[SEC: typing on screen]
That’s - really sweet, Sec. I wish I’d been able to meet them.
Shall we finish these letters off?
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Um -
[SEC: typing on screen]
Thank you. Se has understandable anxiety around this but I have tried to reassure syr. When se reaches syr next instar and develops the ability to travel off-planet, I would recommend that se seeks advice from a local physician with an interest in Gralli medicine. Syr relative has given permission for syr clinic letter to be shared together with this one to aid in future investigation and diagnosis.
Oh! If se develops any symptoms of concern, se should seek medical attention as soon as possible.
[SEC: typing on screen]
Ha. Yes. The safety-net is broad . . . Ooh! One more thing!
For my own learning, I would be interested in reading the outcome and management of this case following specialist review. I can be contacted via the Clinic’s comms code above.
Sec, can you add that to both letters?
[SEC: affirmative ping]
Thank you.
Signed,
Dr Faye Underwood
The Vesta Clinic
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]
The Vesta Clinic was created by AMC. I starred AMC as Faye Underwood and Sec as himself
Music by AMC and Ruby Campbell. Please check out our show notes for content warnings, transcripts, and your prescription of: fifteen minutes of kitten biscuits. If you enjoyed this episode and would like to help the show reach more ears, please tell someone who loves podcasts to check into the Vesta Clinic. You can also follow us on your social media of choice at @vestaclinicpod!
A huge thank you to our Patreon supporters. We hope you enjoy this week’s bonus story and bloopers like this one:
Se told me ‘Goggles has the curse!’ [Pause] What does a f*cking worm sound like?
Content Warnings:
Consistent references to alien insects and their anatomy; ethically uncertain use of relative as a translator; language barriers; genetic medical conditions; discussion of known character death (The Professor)
